


Someone Like You

by ladivvinatravestia



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Additional Warnings In Author's Note, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Crack Treated Seriously, Internalized Slut-Shaming, M/M, Not A Fix-It, Other, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Unprotected Sex, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-21
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-16 04:29:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,997
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19310641
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ladivvinatravestia/pseuds/ladivvinatravestia
Summary: Five people Bucky fucked at [redacted]’s funeral, and one he didn’t.  Endgame spoilers, ahoy.





	Someone Like You

**Author's Note:**

> Coping with my Endgame feels through the healing power of crackfic. What’s that, you say? Some of these characters weren’t even at Tony’s funeral? I reject your reality and substitute my own. If you are looking for a fic where Steve makes a different choice, and everyone lives happily ever after, please click the back button now; this is not the fic you are looking for.
> 
> Additional warnings: Loki is non-binary; Peter Quill has internalized homophobia; vague mentions of past non-con.
> 
> Thanks to [cryptidwintersoldier](https://archiveofourown.org/users/cryptidwintersoldier/pseuds/cryptidwintersoldier) for the beta, and thanks to everybody who encouraged me to write this fic, you know who you are.

Steve fucks Bucky the morning of Tony’s funeral.It’s the first time they’ve even been intimate since Bucky came back from the dead, and something tells Bucky it will also be the last.Not that Bucky is in any place to cast stones, but something obviously happened to Steve over the last five years while half the universe was gone, and he’s just not the same guy any more.When Bucky reaches up to put his hand on Steve’s face, Steve looks to be a million miles away, or somewhere in his head.And as Steve is reaching his climax, Bucky happens to look over to Steve’s night stand, and the fucking compass that Peggy Carter gave Steve as a gift sitting open on it.So that’s that, then.

When they’re done, Bucky grabs all his clothes off the floor and just leaves, not stopping to talk to Steve or even to look back at him. He doesn’t want to talk about whatever Steve thinks he is up to, doesn’t want to argue about it, doesn’t even want to fucking know.It hurts, a lot, knowing that whatever Steve has planned next doesn’t involve Bucky at all.Suddenly, Bucky doesn’t even want to look at Steve any more.He takes possibly the most thorough shower of his life, trying to scrub clean all the places Steve has touched him.And if he can’t stop the tears from falling while he’s in the shower, nobody has to know.How is it that this hurts worse than everything Hydra ever did to him?

Bucky picks out an outfit he knows makes his legs look like they go on forever to wear to the funeral.Give Steve a reminder of exactly what he’s giving up to, what?Go live out some kind of heteronormative white picket fence fantasy?Bucky’s memory of the 30s is pretty good, now, and that isn’t the kind of life he remembers Steve ever saying he wanted.

Bucky winds up crammed into the back of a giant black sedan being driven by Maria Hill, wedged in between Barton and Sam.He notices them giving each other speaking looks, and once or twice Barton tries to subtly adjust himself.Well.At least they appreciate what he has on offer, even if Steve doesn’t.Bucky abruptly realizes that he’s falling into the same behaviours he always did before the War, whenever Steve tried to set him loose (“it’s not fair to you, Buck, you deserve someone healthier than me”).He always hated himself for trying to dull his pain through promiscuity, and he hates himself for it now, but it doesn’t mean he’s going to stop.

~~

They reach the lake house and spill out of the back of the car onto the lawn, where funeral guests are starting to arrive and circulate.Barton hangs back, arms crossed, then makes eye contact with Bucky and indicates with a head movement they should retreat into the woods to talk.

“I hate this,” says Barton when they’re more or less out of earshot of the others.“None of this went the way it was supposed to.”

“No shit,” says Bucky, wondering where Barton intends to go with this.He’d come back from Vormir with the Soul Stone, but not Natasha, and has so far resisted all inquiries about what happened there.

“It should’ve been me, you know?” Barton continues.

Bucky doesn’t know, because he doesn’t know what happened, but he makes a noise to indicate he’s listening.

“And now here we all are at Stark’s funeral and Nat didn’t even get one!” Barton finishes.He clenches and unclenches his fists.

Bucky puts his hand on Barton’s arm, intending it as a gesture of sympathy, but the next thing he knows Barton is grabbing both of his arms and backing him into a tree, kissing Bucky almost desperately.Well.

Bucky can’t exactly say he wasn’t planning for something like this to happen when he got dressed this morning.And Barton is a pretty good kisser, with a good physique, and he doesn’t look or smell like Steve at all.

Barton breaks the kiss long enough to say, “Aren’t you going to tell me that this is a bad idea and we shouldn’t?”

“Hell no, we both know that already,” says Bucky, and pulls Barton in for another kiss.To make sure he’s made his interest clear, he runs one foot up the outside of Barton’s leg and grinds their hips together.

Then Barton is dropping to his knees and Bucky is opening his fly and letting his head fall back against the tree as Barton takes him into his mouth.Barton is just as talented at this as he is at kissing and soon Bucky is enjoying his first voluntary orgasm with someone other than Steve in more than seventy years and it’s all downhill from here.Bucky can get through this.

~~

Bucky is zipping up his fly and Barton is wiping his mouth when Pepper Potts enters the clearing, in deep conversation with an elegant, silver-haired woman.Ms. Potts makes a small noise of surprise and Barton and Bucky straighten to attention instinctively.

“Oh, Sergeant Barnes, Agent Barton, my apologies for interrupting,” says Ms. Potts.

Bucky sneaks a glance at Barton, who looks as embarrassed as Bucky feels.

“No, ma’am, we’re sorry,” begins Bucky, but Ms. Potts puts up a hand to stop him.

“I think that Tony would be very pleased that you've chosen to celebrate his life by engaging in one of his favorite activities,” she says with a smile.She fishes in her handbag for something, then passes a travel-sized pack of tissues to each of Bucky and Barton.Bucky has never been more grateful that he doesn’t blush easily.

Then, as though nothing out of the ordinary has just happened, Ms. Potts turns to her companion.“Jan, I'm so sorry, let's find someplace else to talk.”

As the two women leave the clearing, Bucky lets out a breath he didn't know he’d been holding.

~~

By unspoken agreement, Bucky and Barton make their way back to the main lawn separately, which doesn’t prevent Sam from favoring Bucky with a knowing look when he sees him.

“Oh, fuck off,” Bucky signs at Sam, and Sam grins.

Bucky would like to pretend that he’s not keeping an eye out for Steve at all, but it’s not true, and he becomes painfully aware that Steve is speaking earnestly to Scott and an older guy in a sweater-vest and glasses, and not looking around for Bucky or Sam at all.

As Bucky is trying to convince himself that it just doesn’t matter any more whether Steve is paying attention to anything he does, a guy strolls up to Bucky and says,

“So this is complete bullshit.”Bucky thinks he may be Peter Quill, one of Rocket’s crewmates who, like Bucky, was gone for five years.

“What, us being at the funeral of a guy we barely knew and who probably hated us?” Bucky asks.He’s not really in the mood to mince words.

“Well, that too,” says Quill, “but I meant the part where somehow all of the fucking Infinity Stones couldn’t bring back the woman I love.”

“That _is_ bullshit,” Bucky agrees.He glances over to where Steve, Scott, and the older guy have been joined by Bruce, who is gesturing animatedly.

“She was the first person who ever made me want to be a better person, and then when I saw her in that bullshit battle it was like she didn’t even know me,” Quill continues.

Five years ago, Bucky thinks, that’s the kind of thing Steve might have been saying about Bucky.Now he feels like Steve is the one who has changed beyond recognition.

“I don’t even know what I’m going to do now,” Quill complains.“How am I supposed to go looking for her?”

“Maybe you need to let her go and find someone else to start fresh with,” Bucky suggests.It’s what he would tell Steve about his apparent fixation on Peggy, if he didn’t think it would start a huge fight.It’s what Bucky needs to do himself.But first, since they seem to be back at the tree Barton sucked him off against, Bucky should consider whether he started as he means to go on.

Quill is not really all that attractive, and he’s kind of self-absorbed, which further lessens his appeal, but maybe he and Bucky can distract each other from their lost loves for a little while.Bucky grabs Quill by the lapels of his jacket and backs into the tree, pulling Quill in close against him.

“Oh,” says Quill, and then “Mmmfff,” as Bucky wraps his hand around the back of Quill’s neck and kisses him.He’s not that good of a kisser, either - it’s a lot more slobbery than Bucky is used to, but fortunately the one kiss is enough to get him on board with the next part of the plan.He grinds his hips up against Bucky’s, fumbling for his own belt and saying,

“This doesn’t make us gay, though.”

“Oh, no, of _course_ not,” Bucky agrees mendaciously, opening up his own fly and wrapping his hand around both of their dicks.

~~

When Bucky makes his way back out to the main lawn a second time, he sees that Thor has arrived, and with him, a tall, very slender person with very pale skin and very dark hair.They are dressed in black leather even less suitable for a funeral than what Bucky himself is wearing, which tells Bucky they must be Loki even before Bucky sees Barton signing urgently at him,

“Do not engage!”

Well, hell, if even Barton thinks something is a bad idea it must be truly terrible, but Loki is already strutting purposefully towards Bucky and grinning a grin full of very white teeth and Bucky doesn’t intend to start making good decisions this late in the day.Instead, he merely raises an eyebrow at Loki and heads back into the woods to what he is now thinking of as his tree.

Loki catches up to him at the edge of the clearing and says, “My brother is wearing Crocs.To a funeral.Can you believe it?Ugh.”

Bucky turns to walk backward for a few paces so he can verify the existence of the impugned footgear.Yep, those are definitely Crocs.“But that’s not really what you wanted to talk to me about, is it,” he says.

“Make no mistake, it is a relief to meet another person of fashion with whom I can commiserate,” says Loki, “but I can’t help but notice you seem to be fucking your way through the guest list.”Bucky lets them crowd him up against the tree.

“And?” he challenges.

“I approve,” grins Loki.The air between them shimmers and grows momentarily very cold, and then, instead of Loki, it’s Steve standing right in front of Bucky.

Bucky tries to recoil, blocked by the tree, and says, “What the hell?”

“I thought you might prefer this form,” says Loki-as-Steve, “but of course, I can be anyone you like.”The air shimmers and chills again, and now Bucky is faced with the Steve of 1942, floppy bangs, oversized jacket, and all.He feels his insides twist up, whether in grief or distaste he can’t be sure.

“How about you just be yourself?” he suggests.

Loki makes a final transformation, back into the form they’d initially had when Bucky first spotted them.“Interesting,” they say, “nobody’s ever asked for that before.”

Loki doesn’t seem very interested in kissing, which is fine, Bucky supposes, aliens must have different sexual customs, but it turns out that their genitals are sort of a choose-your-own-adventure affair.Bucky isn’t feeling as adventurous today as he sometimes does, but,

“We must do this again some time,” Loki breathes into Bucky’s ear as the two of them finish, and Bucky agrees.

~~

The crowd disperses again after the service is over, and Bucky drifts back towards his tree.He doesn’t really know what he’s expecting - no, that’s a lie.He’s hoping that Steve will somehow be there, having miraculously changed his mind about going back for Peggy.But that’s not what he gets - instead he finds Stephen Strange, lounging against the tree and contemplating the Time Stone, floating in a glowing green orb just above his hand.

Before he’s even really thought about it, Bucky is dropping to his knees in front of Strange.

“Whoa, no, wait, what are you doing?” Strange asks.“You don’t have to do that, get up.”

Bucky stays on his knees.“You don’t want to process your grief over Stark with a blow job?” he asks.

Strange raises one eyebrow.“That seems like a particularly unhealthy coping strategy,” he says.

“Well if that’s not what you want, you’ve come to the wrong tree,” says Bucky.

“I saw fourteen million, six hundred and five possible futures,” Strange continues, like he hasn’t heard Bucky.He does something with his hand that makes the Time Stone disappear.

“Yeah, I heard about that,” says Bucky.

“There were a lot of futures where Stark settled down with Ms. Potts, or with Rogers, or even with Loki.There were futures where Rogers settled down with you, or with Agent Romanoff, or with Agent Thirteen; there were futures where Agent Romanoff settled down with Agent Barton, or with Doctor Banner.But this was the only future where everybody who’d been snapped came back and where Thanos and his armies were stopped for good.”

“Is that supposed to make me feel better?” Bucky asks.He realizes that the best outcome for the most people is clearly preferable to individual happily-ever-afters, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t sting.

“Could you be truly happy knowing that not everybody was saved who could have been?” Strange asks.

“Sure, bring logic into it,” Bucky counters, knowing that Strange is right.“Now, do you want that blow job, or not?”

“Has anyone taken care of you?” Strange counters.

“Yes,” replies Bucky indignantly, but Strange sits down and draws Bucky towards him, saying,

“Come here.”

Bucky moves forward so he’s straddling Strange’s legs.Up this close, Bucky decides it’s not as good of an idea as he’d thought, and he can’t even bring himself to kiss Strange, burying his face against Strange’s neck instead.Still, he cooperates as Strange unzips his fly and works his hand inside Bucky’s jeans.Bucky had heard that Strange had to give up his career as a surgeon after suffering an accident that left him with a tremor, but his hands seem plenty steady enough for this.And, surprisingly enough, Bucky really does feel a little bit better after they’re done.

~~

Later, after Steve has fucked off to wherever 110-year-olds fuck off to and Sam has stopped caressing the shield, which Bucky absolutely does not grudge him, Bucky flops down next to Sam on the couch and tips his head back toward the ceiling.Sam puts his arm around Bucky’s shoulders, not even bothering with the time-honoured yawn-and-stretch tactic.

“You know I fucked like five different people today,” Bucky says to the ceiling, but he crowds in to Sam’s side anyway.No, that’s not right.Bucky sits back up again.Sam deserves much better than Bucky, especially if Bucky is just going to use him to console himself after losing Steve; but even if Sam’s willing to overlook all of that, Sam deserves to have Bucky make time with him on a day when Bucky hasn’t whored himself around to everyone and their neighbour.

“It’s cool if you don’t want to,” says Sam, “but I figured I’d let you know that if you’re looking for another warm body, I’m here.”

Bucky makes a noise, disgusted with himself, and Sam adds,“You should have seen how many people I slept with after Riley fell.”

“Sam, you’re my friend,” says Bucky.“When we fuck each other, I want it to be for the right reasons.”

Sam pulls his arm away but turns to face Bucky on the couch, a teasing gleam in his eye.Bucky replays the last several seconds in his mind and yes, that is a thing that he just said.

“Oh, fuck off,” says Bucky, collapsing back against the couch.“You know what I mean.”

“Sure thing,” says Sam, and tosses Bucky’s phone towards him.“Why don’t you order some pizza and I’ll queue up _Dog Cops_ , we have five seasons to catch up on.”

So Bucky does, and they do, but somehow before the evening is over they’re tangled together on the couch making out anyway.

“Are you sure we should be doing this?” asks Sam, and Bucky says,

“I'm sure we should _not_ be doing this.”

Unfortunately, that makes Sam attempt to extricate himself from where Bucky has him pressed into the couch.Bucky lets him up, but says,

“That didn’t mean I wanted us to stop.”

Sam says, “Because I’m not really into taking advantage of my friends when they’re feeling emotionally vulnerable.”

Bucky is suddenly tempted, so tempted, to try to start a fight.Why does Sam have to be so noble?That sounds exactly like something Steve would say.Then he could storm out of the apartment, go out to some club and find some guy to take him home and fuck him through the mattress.Without even having to worry about getting arrested, this time.But Sam doesn’t deserve that, either.Sam is trying to be a good friend.In fact, Sam probably misses Steve too.

“Sorry,” Bucky mutters.

“Hey,” says Sam, putting his hand on Bucky’s shoulder.“We’ll get through this.”

Bucky doesn’t really have much hope right now - he’s had to start again now too many times to believe that any good thing can really last - but he can put on a good face for Sam.

“You and me?” he grins, putting his hand on top of Sam’s.“Of course we will.”

**Author's Note:**

> LBR, Sam and Bucky will be fucking each other regularly within the week.
> 
> Visit me on [tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ladivvinatravestia), where my asks box is always open to prompts.


End file.
